i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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