hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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