he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize