Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
