No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
