no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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