I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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