You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
