you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
