This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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