I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
