just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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