i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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