Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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