these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
