how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
