he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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