dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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