Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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