Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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