and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
