I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
