your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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