Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You are the jesus of drinking
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
