the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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