I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
