I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
