So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
