my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
