I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
