We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
