hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
