Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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