help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
