I faked an abortion last night.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
