How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
