Small penises have feelings too.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
