Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
