Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
