well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
