i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I could fuck to npr.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
