I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize