I can text with my tongue
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
