If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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