you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
