fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
is it fun? or sober?
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