mondays should just be called national damage control day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
