I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
