After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
