i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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