Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
