Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we should paint friendship bongs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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