Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize