are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
