I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
