it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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