4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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