Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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