i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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