I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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