"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
