She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
