Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Two words: blizzard sex
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
