4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
