Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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