i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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