you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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