i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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