I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
