I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
