I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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