"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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