I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
