FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize