matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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