Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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