my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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