Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We talked him into tasing himself.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
there is glitter all over my balls
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