just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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