I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
