Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
