When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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