Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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