Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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