life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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