I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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