party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
