ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
