Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
