Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
