who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
