Im at strip club and am horny
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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