I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
