fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
