Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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