Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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