Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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