Kiss
Puke
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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