mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
