who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
