you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
