I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
